i barfeds in our rink
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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