you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
