college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
