I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
