i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
