The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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