I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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