Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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