i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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