I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Text me some of your sweat
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