So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
