Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
