yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
