Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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