gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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