You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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