Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
