he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
we should paint friendship bongs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
