one might say we're banned from that church
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
