What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
