Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
