I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We have started to decorate penises.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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