Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
