areolas are like halos for boobs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
