dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
