Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
