Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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