I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
