When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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