apparently the secret to your success is patron
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
