I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
