Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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