My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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