Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
