Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
