I want to make a zoo with you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
