For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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