worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
