His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
should my penis look like a turkey
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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