we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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