I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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