This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
