respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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