dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
