hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
