I got chris browned last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
