peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
