I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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