Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
