Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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