Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
